Compassion During The Pandemic

Given the uncertainty of this time, mental health is of utmost importance right now. Many people are reporting feelings of depression and anxiety. As a result, we are seeing a lot of content suggesting ways that we can manage these feelings which has inspired me to write about my own way of doing this. I have been intimate with depression for a while now and I would like to think that I am well-equipped to manage its symptoms when they arise. However, as both anxiety and depression go hand in hand, I've realised that anxiety is a whole other ball game. I always say to myself, "I'd rather be depressed than have an anxiety attack" because of how debilitating this experience can be. Navigating this can be quite difficult, especially when we are in the middle of a severe attack, but it is possible. For me, the three components of self-compassion as outlined by Kristin Neff, PhD have given me a particular sense of ease whenever anxious thoughts and feelings arise: these are self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness.

Self-Kindness

This first component is concerned with our willingness to be compassionate with ourselves rather than giving in to self-judgement as stated by Neff. During this time I have had specific anxiety surrounding my mortality in addition to concerns about my physical and mental health. I often find myself clinging to intrusive thoughts like "I'm dying" and "something is wrong with me", which brings me to the next and maybe the most comforting component for me.

Common Humanity

Nothing is wrong with you. We are all feeling the impact of this virus. We are all experiencing feelings of despair, hopelessness and fear but we can choose to take comfort in this interconnectedness! Something that also helped me manage my anxiety was talking to my friends about anxiety and finding out I was not the only one going through this, that there were people around me that I could lean on (metaphorically speaking of course). This also reinforces the importance of social support during this time. Physical distancing does not mean we cannot reach out for social support. This is the beauty of living in an age where we are constantly in contact with each other through technology. There are so many platforms available to us, so call, text or video chat with your friends, family and loved ones who you couldn't otherwise be with physically.

Mindfulness

This is simply the practice of being with yourself, with your thoughts and your feelings without judgement. It is becoming increasingly recognised for its many benefits in the western world and is a term most of us are probably already familiar with. When I am in the midst of an attack, I feel waves of an icy-heat moving through my body, my heart rate shoots up and my mouth becomes very dry. What makes this experience worse is that these unpleasant sensations further give fuel to my anxiety. I start to think again, "something is wrong with me", "I'm dying." My default is to cling to these intrusive thoughts and to self-judge. "Something is wrong with me." Dr Neff talks about how our go-to mode is always problem-solving when things begin to fall apart instead of sitting with these feelings and acknowledging them. When we acknowledge that what we are going through is valid and part of human existence we are practising self-compassion. So instead of saying to myself "I'm dying" and "something is wrong with me", I now say to myself:

"Thoughts, I see you. I feel you. I am alive. I am breathing. Nothing is wrong with me."

I now sit with my thoughts, watching them pass by and I tend to my feelings with compassion. I connect to my breath and remind myself that this is temporary. I also find that once I realize some of the thoughts I am having are non-rational, this puts me more at ease. Reminding myself that there are things within and outside of my control helps too.

These components have proven extremely effective for me during this time and I will continue to put them to use post-pandemic. This time has also made me realize how unsettled I am being alone with my thoughts and feelings when I exist outside of my pre-pandemic routine. This is an uncertain and fear-inducing period but what I have offered are some of the ways that we can manage that fear and come to terms with our internal happenings so that we may come out of it as more resilient beings.

“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”

― Pema Chödrön, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times